Evolving Beginnings.

Life is a funny thing. It's a very unstable inconstant thing. In this world you can't be the same person all the time; you need to evolve. It's hard for me to believe that we can stay with people for a long time because we are always changing. As time progress eventually you and that other person won't be on the same page. Your interest, your hobbies, nothing will line up anymore and that's one of the hardest things to accept. 
 I know I'm always recreating myself. Usually by finding new hobbies. If you talked to me two years ago I would have told you the internet was a scary place and I just wanted to write poems. Now if you compare that to present me, I think the internet is the most free thing the world has and the most powerful. I've started doing everything online because I see a potential. Either it being fan accounts on tumblr, or just a blog that makes no sense to anyone. I spend a lot of my time finding new bands and writing stories that are more magnificent then I'll ever be. What I learn from that is I'm losing a lot of people because I can't keep old conversations going; so I find new friends.
 I wrote this line in one of my stories, "Because that's what we do Arizona! We build these people in hope their lives will be better then the last ones we wrote. They never are, they just get more twisted and twisted as we never finish our sentences." I like this line because I think as humans we are trying to live this extraordinary story. But most the time that's a nonexistent reality. So you alter yourself more and more trying to make that into a reality. 
 I think why we change so much is because we keep envisioning alternate versions of how we want our life to play out as. For me I want to write books, scripts, and possibly direct. Now I'm not sitting here wanting to be the next John Green or Steven Spielberg because I don't desire a name in lights. I just want small connections with people who enjoy my ideas. And if that comes with names in lights it would be incredible but not all I want in life. But of course, in a number of years it might be a different story. 
 We're in a world that idolizes being true to yourself but doesn't really mean it. Because we hate the idea of people changing but, if we don't change we'd get pretty bored. When you think about it, you change if you start liking one band more then the other, or prefer a curtain food over another. That's evolving and if you hate when people change, it's like telling them they can't like pepperoni better because they claimed at one point cheese use to be their favorite. 
 I'll admit, change is scary but change is wonderful. If you live and do the same thing over and over again their isn't a thrill factor to you. So do what ever the hell you want to do because life is filled to the rim with beautiful or tragic opportunities. So find that happiness either it being with people you known or will know. So don't stay grounded in terrible friendships or relationships because of the fear of new beginnings. Beginnings are ruff, very ruff but life wasn't meant to be easy. Do something you thought you'd never do, even if they're small things like starting a blog. Don't let people tell you what you need to succeeded in this life because succeeding is happiness. And happiness is your own freedom. A freedom only you can find. So let go and breathe because when you find you and find your happiness nothing is going to stop you. And if you let them stop you, then that wasn't your happiness.  

Leaving Robbers.

A pit of emptiness is the only thing that fills my gashes. The knives thrown at my back carved a missing puzzle piece. Fear became the only thing I knew rejecting the affection of others. The laughs and smiles of others haunted my dreams, drowning me in a constant panic of stares. To break is an understatement, but to shatter onto the cold ground never finding pieces again still, would never describe the lost feeling. Because all I am is nothing more then empty words and monstrous shadows that got the best of me.

 Cold nights with empty promises. Meaningless people and deep conversations. Hatred words and broken smiles. Hopeful dreams and leaving lovers. That's all the world really is. Stuck in between the idea of caring and forgetting. Because reality is a bitch that seeks too much attention for it's dramatic wars. Because these wars aren't against people, but instead they lay inside us, making us fall into dark allies of robbers that steal your affectionate heart. As heartless people wander along these busy streets, pretending that they walk in one piece, forgetting their fake smile fell off their face. 

 Hatred spills from their bones covering the floor in the painful tears of yesterday. But yet, still no two tears are the same. So we shuffle though it never speaking of our heart getting ripped from our chest and stomped on by the people who freely cause us pain. And maybe pain is just temporarily but it always sticks with you. Pale and weak, struggling for a breath. Falling to the ground, hoping that the shadows will leave you alone. But they never will because this is only a hatred world filled with empty conversations. With heartless people and forgetting lovers. Because everything becomes a lost memory and we aren't any different. Stuck in this pattern of pain only so a shadow devours you and finds it's next beating heart. Because we are all monstrous with forgotten attentions.   



   

Foolish Hearts.

 A smile of real laughs was all they ever saw. A girl with flowers in her hair with love in her blood ran around with a boy of devilish smiles. A trickster he was with the foolish hearts of the ones that fell under his unbreakable spell. The words were always what one wanted to hear as they slithered more and more under a trap of twisted movements. He knew he had her sealed in his palm just like so many others. But the innocence the girl was held with would never see this side of him. No, she saw the one who supposedly fell in love with her mind of beautiful thoughts. Apart of her never felt right but she was always told not to follow mind over matter. And her matter told her to love him with everything she had. So she devoted her existence to a heartless man that would just add her name to a list of broken spirits. But how was she suppose to know that a demon like that hid in the flawless man of words?

 Her smiles faded and the girl fell too far. Her love was too strong for his meaningless kisses. The truth slowly spilled out as she refused to believe. She never smiled in the black pit that was her love. Lonely nights when he said he'd be there tore her innocence away piece by piece. By the time she caught him with another the flowers didn't fill her hair anymore. The thorns grew a cage around her heart that hid her from the foolishness that her memories held. She hid away in the kingdom of darkness that was mapped in her mind. So she broke. Broken pieces of her heart scattered around the floor as he stepped on them willingly without a question. Her hatred for him sparked in her bones with no second chances. She stilled loved him for everything he wasn't. She loved him for the words that seemed so true, the movements that seemed so graceful, and the way he made her feel so special. But with those thoughts she couldn't help but find hate for herself because she wasn't special, his words weren't true, and yet a love of him still rattled in her head.

 That's the thing about love; you fall for the ones you shouldn't love and once you do there is no getting out. Because love is only a dark pit of memories and broken pieces; and the rareness to ever fully climb out only lays with how strong your heart can battle. Because in a simple definition, love is only a long lost battle and it's up to you if it's worth fighting for. Because the battles that I pick are always worthy of a fight even if parts of me don't fully agree. 

Drowning Castles.

 A mystery floated in his twisted blue eyes like a ship; A mystery that a innocent girl got curious in. Curiosity is never a friend to love because you grow too attached to a certain pair of eyes as your world sinks into a sea of terror.
 Stares. It always starts with a stare; a stare into your soul as it grasps your imagination and sometimes too tight. Desk of hell were the only barriers that separated the stares and the mind. She was addicted to dark passes and teary eye stories as she fell in love with those things. But when she saw his eyes glisten with that fear of pain she wanted to know that darkness he held. So she paid attention to his words, his mind, and his actions but what she didn't expect was to fall in love with the scars that filled his chest. A trap was set in her mind as she built this twisted soul into a beautiful star that she thought shined apon her dreams. 
  She built him a castle on the pearly white clouds as she would do anything for his glace; and she got it. It came to a time that it wasn't even a merrily crush but almost an obsession to be noticed by those ocean eyes he held. She wrote the thoughts of this prince into stories and poems as she was so lost from herself but it never crossed her mind that she was.
 But the storm swooped in making her ship unbalance as she fell. Drowning in an ocean of truth. She saw the boy for who he was. She denied and denied as only a painful cry filled her because he wasn't a prince in shinning armor; no, he was nightmare in disguise. But hope filled her that maybe one day his scars will fade with his darkness. And maybe hope is even worse then curiosity because you hold on to the hope that maybe just maybe he will be your prince in shining armor. But darkness never really fades, it just becomes more of an allusion to the eye.   

Broken in Beauty.

Earth. It’s a wild, strange place because it’s the only one of its’ kind. Most say it’s a beautiful place filled with laughs and smiles but that is just an allusion. The world is a cruel place filled with empty minds and actions. But it is well hidden in beautiful lies that even I fell in love with. The rainbows and flowers distract you from the messes around as that is what we fall in love with. This place is so far from perfect, striving off of death and life but somehow is so broken in beauty that you can’t help but find it breath taking. But in this place, this world, danger is well alive and risk is an ability long lost from our minds. We all live with a fear of something going wrong; but nothing goes the way you want anyways. We think if we take that chance to cliff jump or sail to unknown islands we will only encounter death. One of my favorite quotes is, “To die would be an awfully big adventure.” but we are so scared of what happens to us when our blood stops running threw our veins, so we hide. We never take a risk as we play everything safe. But safe isn’t living. Safe is just making sure your breath is always steady and your mind is at ease. Living is going to places that you can’t explain, dreaming the impossible, and taking up every opportunity. Living is being so drunk on happiness and being okay with everything around you without fear.    
I don’t know what we are suppose to do with this place. I don’t think anyone does and that scares us because we don’t know what the meaning of life truly is. we rule this world in fear. And if we are chosen to lead every breathing thing on this planet we should know the things that make up this world. But instead we build and build as we think these walls will protect us from the disasters outside; but we are the disasters. And maybe if we stopped to learn about people and stopped being scared of the unknown we could get somewhere. Because this world is nothing more then cells and Atoms and if that’s all the world is, why do we fear it? Why do we fear the people, the animals and the ocean? Why are we scared of the world changing? We can’t change much in this world but we can change our view. And maybe we aren’t suppose to love this place but we need to keep it. Keep it close because where will we go when this is all gone? The galaxy is big, enormous, infinite for all we know and maybe their is going to be another place for us but what would ever make that place more special then here? This world was made for us and if we never love it or protect it what was even the point of us getting it? This world is so broken, so cruel, and so painful but there is a beauty that hides in those imperfections that the world holds tight. Because maybe we are also an imperfection in this world.